


How They Met Themselves

by LuxBerlin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Chiss (Star Wars), Chiss Ascendancy (Star Wars), Doppelganger, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Tie fighter pilot, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:46:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22388158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuxBerlin/pseuds/LuxBerlin
Summary: Kira Aýna is a talented First Order Elite special forces pilot. She has everything she's ever wanted and everything under control...until Supreme Leader Kylo Ren arrives and turns her world on its head.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Ka

Kira Aýna's days as an Elite special forces pilot on the Harbinger are strictly regimented and consist of training sessions, strategic briefings and the maintenance of her TIE fighter - her pride and joy.

Sometimes the sight of her TIE/sf space superiority fighter brings tears to her eyes. All the years of long, ruthless, and rigorous training – the self-doubt, self-hatred, self-denial – were worth it and for the first time in her life, Kira feels something close to satisfaction.

Following the death of Supreme Leader Snoke, destruction of the Supremacy, and Battle of Crait - life on the Harbinger had been in an uproar. General Hux arrived in a flurry, informing command staff and Elite special forces to prepare for the arrival of the new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

The hate and anger in Hux's voice was apparent and his usual dour, yet perfectly cold facade seemed to crack whenever Kylo Ren's name was mentioned. Everyone could sense his agitation. Tensions were high on the command bridge, but luckily for Kira, after Hux's briefing, she was free to return to her daily routine and didn't worry about the looming arrival again until breakfast a week later.

The dining room on the upper habitation level is reserved for the command staff and Elite special forces and usually a quiet, calm space – with it's spartan, yet refined decor, large dark wood tables, and intimate dining nooks. However, this morning it's more crowded than usual, with several tables of stormtroopers and pilots Kira has never seen before.

Making her way past the group of strangers, she notices several of them staring and even pointing in her direction. One stormtrooper nearly chokes on his food, sputtering something to his neighbor about: “...the scavenger girl from Jakku!” Everyone at the table turns around to get a better look at Kira and she has to fight the urge to turn back and confront the lot of them. “What the hell was that all about?!” she quietly asks herself. Turning the corner she scans her black uniform for stains or marks, checking her reflection in the shiny metal surface of a nearby pillar for some sign of transgression – but nothing is out of place or askew. Trying to shake it off, she reasons with herself: “Who knows what those petty stormtroopers are even been doing here, they must be lost. Someone will escort them out soon enough.”

Nonetheless, Kira can't shake the feeling of uncertainty. She'd heard Jakku mentioned weeks ago. Something about the Elite Forces on the Finalizer and a mission gone badly. She hadn't had any part in that mess! Shaking off her irritation Kira finishes her breakfast alone at a small table in the corner.

* * *

After returning to her room she finds an urgent message from command waiting for her on her holopad:

_All members of the Elite Special Forces are required to attend the arrival of the Supreme Leader – Hangar bay J8 1001 . Followed by a briefing in Conference Room CX 32 1. Report to your command post at 1030 GST._

That leaves Kira with little more than an hour to prepare and so without delay she makes her way to the 'fresher, showering, braiding and fastening her long brown hair and dressing in her formal uniform, before finally grabbing her perfectly polished black and red helmet on her way out the door. She arrives to her command post early and finds most members of her Elite Force squadron already waiting.

Such is the nature of their position and training that friendship isn't something they often share. However, there is one member of her squadron, who's something as close to a friend as Kira could hope for – Risto Tama. A handsome Lothalian, with dark eyes and an even darker sense of humor; he'd made Kira feel welcome from day one and always offered her a helping hand.

She looks up to him as a mentor and feels relieved to see him as she makes her way through the room. “Ey little one – where have you been hiding?! I was about to send a search party. You know you didn't have to get all fancied up for me, but I'm not complaining!” he quips with a wink. Rolling her eyes dramatically Kira elbows him in the ribs with a smile. “Well, it is a big deal that the Supreme Leader is coming here. Snoke never wasted a moment on us.”

Risto nods and grunts under his breath, “I've flown with Kylo Ren, he's a bloody brilliant pilot – the Supreme Leader is one of us now.” Kira hadn't thought of it like that, but Risto had a point. Kylo Ren truly was one of the First Order's best pilots and now he was their leader.

Moments later their squadron leader calls them to order, they don their helmets and set off for the hanger bay. There they find nearly the entire crew of the Harbinger paraded in honor of the Supreme Leader. The Elite Forces take their place towards the front and just in time, for only moments later the Supreme Leader's command shuttle arrives. General Hux stands at attention, as the shuttle's hatch slowly opens and the Supreme Leader's guards and then Kylo Ren himself emerges.

Kira knows so much about him; she's seen pictures and watched training clips declaring his greatness, but nothing could have prepared her for what she feels watching him stride past her, only an arms length away. He radiates pure strength, power and intimidation. Kira has never been so happy to be hidden behind her helmet, for she's certain her face is dumbstruck and pathetic looking as she stares in wonder at him. It's all over so quickly, as General Hux and Kylo Ren disappear through the hanger doors and soon the quiet hush that filled the space is replaced with the sound of orderly chaos as hundreds of stormtroopers, pilots and other personnel file out, quickly returning to their regularly scheduled programs.

“Come on Kira, wakey wakey!” chuckles Risto, as her squadron makes their way towards the doors. She's on her way to meet with the Supreme Leader! The thought leaves Kira feeling excited to say the least. After over a decade training with the First Order and more than a year as a member of the Elite special Forces, Kira is a master at calming her nerves and focusing at the task at hand; however, she can't quite find her inner peace as she walks towards the command bridge's main conference room.

Her squadron leader barks the command to remove their helmets and Kira finds herself wondering if her plaited hair has survived without too much disarray. She quickly straightens her hair and uniform before entering the room. There, standing at the viewport, starring out towards the stars is Kylo Ren. Arms behind his back, stance wide and strong. He turns towards them and acknowledges the Elite Force squadron with a nod of his head. It's in this moment that Kira catches his eye and the look that crosses his face is a mix of shock, horror, disgust and anger. Kira's heart stops. She can feel an intense blush spread across her cheeks and once again she's left wondering, “What the kriff is going on!?”

Kylo Ren's eyes follow her as she takes her position towards the end of the long table and when she finally dares to look up in his direction, she sees that he's still staring at her. Swallowing hard she silently reminds herself, “Don't panic. I'm sure there is a good reason for this...maybe he's shocked that someone so short could be in the Elite Forces?” and tries as hard as she can to calm her nerves. Focusing on a knot in the wood of the highly polished table in front of her she counts backwards slowly, feeling her heart rate slow and the warm flush of her face cool off.

Finally she allows herself to once again look up at her surroundings, avoiding the Supreme Leader. General Hux has opened the meeting with a small speech about change and power and --- something, but Kira isn't listening, try as she might, she can't shake the panic she feels. Then suddenly _-_ _a shif_ _t -_ she feels something or someone in her head! “Go away!” she thinks. But the feeling doesn't change and abruptly she's swept away by her inner most thoughts and memories.

 _She she_ _sees_ _a younger version of herself a_ _s a_ _cadet sitting in front of a holopad,_ _she_ _sees_ _herself in the cockpit of her TIE fighter, she_ _sees_ _herself laughing with Risto, then she_ _sees_ _herself walking through the dining room and hearing the stormtroopers mention “...that scavenger girl from Jakku...”_

Without warning the blast of memories stop. Kira takes a deep breath and closes her eyes momentarily. She feels drained and exhausted. What just happened? Although she hardly dares to, she forces herself to look towards Kylo Ren and her worst fears are confirmed.

The Supreme Leader of the Galaxy is looking directly at her. In this moment she hears a voice in her head, deep and menacing: “Who are you?”

It takes all of Kira's willpower and training as a combat pilot to stay seated, instead of running hysterically from the conference room. She tries to ensure a passive facial expression, but inside she feels afraid and confused, she's worried she might be sick.

“Calm yourself.” the voice tells her, “I'm not going to hurt you.” Her eyes flicker quickly towards Kylo Ren, but he's no longer watching. He seems to be completely engrossed in the discussion at hand.

“We must do everything in our power to completely squash the Resistance! Now, where they are practically defeated, we must not let the remaining few fester and reemerge to challenge the First Order's reign over the Galaxy!” Hux spits with his typical passionate fury. “The Elite Forces will be an important weapon in eradicating our opponents and spreading fear and respect for the First Order's greatness!”

Kylo Ren's gaze remains impassive and unreadable. He turns his chair around to once again face the viewport and stands up. “General Hux, we have defeated the Resistance. Luke Skywalker is dead. There is no one left in the Galaxy senseless enough to defy the First Order. But you are right, the Elite Forces will serve as a beacon for the power and performance of the First Order. I have authorized the construction of another battlecruiser, which will train and house an Elite Force squadron. New TIE/sf space superiority fighters are already in production and will be available within weeks.” Turning towards one of the Admirals present and the squadron leader, Kylo Ren continues: “Commence the training of new pilots. I want the best we have, only the best will be good enough for what I have planned.”

Once the meeting finally adjourns Kira stands up to leave, but then she hears the voice again, “Stop.” Kira swings around to face the Supreme Leader and sees him quietly discussing something with her squadron leader, who then calls her: “Officer Aýna, I require your presence. Please take a seat.” Swallowing hard she sits back down. She looks up towards the rest of her squadron and catches Risto looking back towards her with a look of concern mixed with jest. “Oh Kriff.” Kira thinks to herself as the room slowly empties.

Finally only she remains seated, while Hux laments about something and her Squadron leader stands by looking nearly as nervous and confused as Kira herself. “Squadron Leader Krozc, you're excused.” Kylo Ren finally announces. It seems that General Hux only now notices the young, pretty pilot seated at the end of the long table. “What is this all about Ren...Supreme Leader? Who is this?” Hux growls. Kylo Ren dismisses his squawking with a wave of a hand. “You are also excused General. Leave us now.” Hux's pale face seems to glow red with annoyance, but he remains silent, spinning on his heel and leaving Kira alone with HIM.

“Kira Aýna? Do you know why you are here?” Kylo Ren asks. He's still standing at the viewport, looking out towards space. When he suddenly turns to face her she feels her mouth run dry and she merely stutters, “Ah, ah, no I don't know to what I...I owe this honor.” With silent grace Kylo Ren makes his way down the row of chairs towards Kira's end of the long table, finally stopping across from her.

His gaze is intense and she once again senses his touch in her mind. What is he looking for? What has she done wrong? She feels tears welling up in the corners of her eyes and a sudden hot flash of shame.

She hasn't cried since she was a small girl! During all the years of her training, all the hardships she mastered, she never let herself cry – never allowing herself to show such weakness. She feels angry. Standing up suddenly, she stares Kylo Ren down, “What do you want from me!?” she shouts - shocking herself - but it's too late to take it back now.

Kylo Ren's face shows no emotion in response to her outburst. “I searched your mind and found a memory concerning a certain scavenger from Jakku. Who is she to you?” Kira's mouth opens and closes dumbly for a moment before she's able to reply, “I have no idea!? I only heard of her this morning in the dining room. A table of stormtroopers were starring at me and mentioned it. I have no idea what they were talking about and how it involves me.”

Turning away from her for a moment, Kylo Ren takes deep, even breaths. “You, you are the mirror image of this...this scavenger! The same face, the same body. A clone.” Kira's mind goes blank. Another girl. A stranger, who looks identical to herself. Strange, but why would this be of any importance to the Supreme Leader? Who is this scavenger girl from Jakku?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I don't have a Beta reader looking over my work, so please forgive any sloppy bits.  
> Comments or kudos are greatly appreciated!


	2. paradox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've played around a bit with the POV in this chapter and I hope it works ok.

Kylo Ren makes his way around the table and towards Kira, using the force to push the chairs block ing his path out of his way . Soon he stands face-to-face with the petite pilot. His mind is racing and his patience waning, “ Why does this First Order pilot look exactly like Rey?” Just thinking her name makes his blood boil even hotter and he clings desperately to his cool exterior, hoping the girl won't sense his frustration.

What is he going to do? From the moment he spotted the girl, his mind was a flurry of emotion. His Force bond with Rey has been erratic since Crait. He can sense her actively blocking him out. Seeing this girl, a perfect clone of Rey, is almost too much for him to handle.

“You will tell no one what I've told you.” he says, using only a minimal amount of the Force to make sure she keeps her mouth shut. With more spontaneity than he usually prefers, Kylo quickly adds, “You will meet me later this evening in my personal chambers.” He can't help himself. Even if she isn't Rey, he can't get enough of her. Not to mention the fact that he's hopelessly curious about her existence.

“Uhhh...ummm...of course Supreme Leader.” she stutters in response. He nods, “I will send someone for you at 1700 GST.” and without further word, he leaves the room and heads towards the command bridge.

There are some slack jawed stormtroopers he has to deal with.

* * *

It takes Kira several minutes to recover after Kylo Ren leaves. She takes deep, controlled breaths in order to bring herself back from the brink of a nervous breakdown. She actually has to laugh aloud, “What just kriffing happened!?” and more importantly, does she have a date with the Supreme-kriffing-Leader of the Galaxy!?

Making her way back to the barracks, Kira attempts to grasp what Kylo Ren just told her. She has a doppelgänger - a girl from Jakku. She isn't sure what this girl means to Kylo Ren, but obviously she's someone important or at very least interesting. Kira is so deep in thought that she hardly notices Risto and another pilot standing outside of her room waiting for her to return.

“Ey, little one! You in there!?” Risto chuckles, waving his hand in her face. “You alright? What was that all about back there?” asks the other pilot – a tall, thin Mirialan named Jal, “Supreme Leader Ren meeting with a nobody pilot, what did you do?”

Kira would love to be able to tell Risto more and pick his brain about what in stars name was happening, but she can't. The moment she tries to formulate a clear sentence, her brain just goes to mush and all she manages to get out is “Urgh...I dunno. It was...I dunno. Sorry.” She quickly brushes past them and closes her door behind her. She feels awful about leaving them out there hanging, but she senses that anything she says would be too much. Flopping down on her bed, Kira closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Was this all just a dream?” and it was with this thought that she drops into oblivion.

\----------------

_Water. Everywhere she looks, she sees water. Everything is blue, gray, and shining. The wind is wet and cold, but she feels at peace. She is safe. Someone is holding her from behind, one strong arm is wrapped around her waist. She's laughing. “Faster, faster!” she's cheering and then suddenly – darkness._

\----------------

Someone is knocking at her door. Hammering incessantly more like it. Kira sits up and checks her chrono - she's overslept! She jumps off her bed and opens her door to find a BB-unit about to give her door another go, but instead it manages to roll right into her. “Beep-bleep-biiiimmmp!” squawks the little black robot, but Kira is too busy checking her reflection in the small mirror mounted beside her door to notice or care what the BB-unit is complaining about. “I'm sorry for keeping you waiting Supreme Leader, I had a nap.” she says with a smile to her reflection. Luckily her hair is still presentable and although her face shows telltale signs of sleep, it will have to do. Quickly straightening her black uniform, she leaves her room and follows the droid into unknown regions of the Harbinger.

After a very long turbolift ride the BB-Unit takes Kira down a long, dark corridor. A group of stormtroopers pass by and she can't help but notice that they make a beeline to avoid coming too close to her. She stops suddenly and turns around to find that several of them have also turned around to look at her. She could almost swear that she hears one of them let out a frightened yelp before spinning back around. “What was that about?” she wonders aloud. But before she can think on it too much the BB-Unit is back squawking at her to hurry along!

* * *

Kylo Ren isn't well-known for being merciful or compassionate. In fact, perhaps he is most renowned for his fits of anger and wrath. While probing the pilot's mind he came across the memory of her encounter with the stormtroopers. It had been the most important discovery he'd made. But the fact that a squadron of his very own troops had been so indiscreet with their knowledge of Rey - the “scavenger girl from Jakku” - had been a most bitter disappointment to Kylo. Which is why he had spent the last several hours punishing his men. His personal squadron of stormtroopers now had fewer members, but he felt certain that those who remained would be more watchful of their tongues, especially concerning a certain scavenger.

* * *

After one of the longest treks Kira has ever made through the upper decks of the Harbinger, she reaches her destination. Two of Kylo Ren's personal guards stand watch at the door and after a quick security scan Kira is escorted into the Supreme Leader's personal chambers.

Befitting to the overall aesthetic of the Harbinger, Kylo Ren's entry room is all smooth, polished surfaces and dark, streamlined furniture. However, in comparison with the modest, yet comfortable barracks of the Elite Forces, Kylo Ren's quarters are very spacious. Kira tries to keep a neutral expression and not look too impressed.

True to form he stands at a huge viewport, starring out at the passing cargo ships and TIE fighters. Turning to greet her, he sends his guards out without a word and they're alone again. “Good evening Supreme Leader. I hope that I didn't keep you waiting, it was a long...” Kira begins to explain, but is silenced by Ren. “How does he do that?!” she huffs to herself, despite already knowing the answer.

“I've been waiting. But I'd like to think that it was worth it.” Kylo responds darkly, “Have you eaten? I would be honored if you would join me.” It isn't a question and Kira isn't about to refuse the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy, “I haven't eaten since breakfast. I'm starving.”

Considering how nervous she's been and how absurd the entire situation is, the meal ends up being delicious and almost pleasant. 

Their conversation starts off awkwardly, but then they discover two topics that they have in common: combat and flying. While discussing blasters, hyperdrives, sensor systems, and the recent upgrades to Kylo Ren's TIE silencer, Kira almost forgets who she's dining with and begins to enjoy herself.

“Honestly, the first time I got to pilot a TIE fighter - for real, not in a simulation – it was...it was the best day ever!” Kira beams. It really had been the best of days. She'd felt so certain, safe, and confident. Her instructor had looked at her differently afterwards. She was no longer the awkward, scrawny little girl, she was the best pilot in her class.

“How long have you been with the First Order?” Kylo Ren inquires. “Just over a decade.” Kira replies, “But that's nothing you wouldn't be able to discover if you looked into my file.”

Kylo raises an eyebrow, “True. But unfortunately I haven't had a moment to read up on you. I had my hands full this afternoon and didn't even have time for a nap.”

Kira feels herself blushing at this and she's certain he knows how she spent her afternoon. On any other day a nap would've been out of the question, but she'd felt so exhausted after the briefing and hadn't been able to stop herself. “Don't feel ashamed. It's a normal reaction and nothing to worry about.” Kylo Ren says bluntly, but with a slight smirk, “Your appearance surprised me and I had to find out who you are. I still need to know who you are.”

Without another word, he stands up from the table and approaches Kira. Reaching out he gently touches her cheek, running a smooth, gloved finger along her jawline to her chin. Looking up Kira once again feels Ren in her mind. This time his inspection is less rushed and more precise. She can tell he's methodically scanning her memories, much like one would flip through the pages of a good book. “Who are you Kira Aýna? Where are you from?”

* * *

Kylo Ren finds himself strangely at ease with the young pilot and dinner is unexpectedly pleasant. His thoughts don't stray far from Rey and his unanswered questions concerning the two women, but he's able to enjoy the moment.

However, when Kira starts reminiscing about her first time piloting a TIE fighter, the look on her face of pure, unadulterated joy and pride jar him back into reality. It's an expression he observed during his short time with Rey – the moments where the Light inside of her seemed to shine through her eyes, skin, and entire being. It had been these moments which had been hard for him to take, but they had also been his favorite moments. Seeing Kira beaming like Rey leaves him deeply shook.

* * *

_Blue skies, blue shining water. As far as the eye can see – blue. But then amongst all the blue, an island. Green. From up above she can see more islands, green dots in the blue expanse. Arms stretched towards the sky she let's out a loud, happy cry, “We're home, HOME!” and she feels herself gliding towards the lush, green island down below._

\----------------

Kira opens her eyes. She is laying down on a smooth leather surface – a sofa – in the Supreme Leader's private rooms. “What the kriff just happened!?” she thinks aloud. Sitting up she finds Kylo Ren at the end of the sofa, watching her, face as impassive as always, “Are you feeling alright?” he asks.

“I'm not sure what just happened.” Kira says while rubbing her temples. She had felt Kylo Ren in her mind and then it had all faded away – she had dreamed of the sea and of islands and FLYING! It seemed so real.

“Those are your memories Kira.” Ren states plainly, “Deep memories, hidden within your mind. But memories nonetheless.” Kira has a headache, a bad one and she once again begins to feel panic. She has no clue where these memories were made and what they might mean to her. Until this moment, she hadn't even known that such memories existed.

“I'm sorry, but I don't know what to say.” Kira stutters. She wants to leave, go back to her room, and escape the sickening feeling of disorientation and agitation. Her once systematically composed mind is now a flurry of commotion and uncertainty. Without warning her vision blurs and she sees stars. The last thing she is aware of before blacking out is feeling Kylo Ren grab her shoulders, softly pick her up.

* * *

Kylo Ren has the pilot taken back to her barracks and is alone for only a moment when he feels a sudden change in the air - the strange dimming of his surroundings and he turns away from the viewport to see her – Rey. She is sitting on his sofa, where only moments ago Kira Aýna had been.

Rey is meditating, legs crossed, eyes closed – but he can tell that she senses his presence and is not pleased. “Go away!” she spits, “Bugger off for kriffs sake! Leave me alone!” Her eyes are open and she looks furious.

“Rey.” is all Kylo can say as he takes a few careful steps in her direction. He feels anger and impatience brewing within him, but other emotions as well. Alleviation, relief, and longing.

“Stay away Ren!” Rey yells and without further warning the connection is severed.

Kylo stares at the sofa and suddenly he is overcome by the dark emotions within him. Taking his saber, he slices clean through the black leather in front of him. Once he's finished it's an unrecognizable heap of smoldering blackness. With a quick wipe of his brow Kylo decides it's time to pay General Hux a visit on the command bridge and is gone.

* * *

“Well, Supreme Leader, I assume you will be wanting to return to the Finalizer soon, will you not? The commanders and crew of the Harbinger feel so honored to have been graced with your presence.” Hux suggests, “Naturally I can escort you, if you wish to retain my counsel in this most crucial phase of your leadership...”

Using a sudden and short surge of the Force Kylo Ren disrupts his General's airflow and ends his monologue, “Your counsel is redundant General Hux. I have no intention of leaving yet. I have, in fact requested the entire First Order High Command to convene here in less than two standard day cycles time. The Knights of Ren will be arriving soon. See to it that the necessary preparations are made.”

And without another word Kylo Ren turns to the nearest officer, who is unsuccessfully attempting to hide behind a communications screen, “Lieutenant Stynnix? Send me the latest data relating to the Elite Force squadron's assignments, including all relevant reports involving the pilots.” and without another word Kylo Ren is gone, leaving a flustered Lieutenant and a furious General Hux in his wake.

Kylo Ren never feels at ease or tranquil, but the events of the last several weeks have worn away at his otherwise robust facade. His Force bond with Rey and then the sudden appearance of her doppelgänger, Kira Aýna, within the First Order's top ranks has left him feeling agitated and apprehensive. All feelings he could do without at the moment.

He is the Supreme Leader, but he knows that his position is not secure. At this very moment he can sense General Hux's displeasure and hate – that viscous little man cannot be trusted and will most certainly be looking for anyway to be rid of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. Which is why the Knights of Ren are on their way to the Harbinger. They are the only others within the First Order Kylo can even begin to trust and their counsel will be most welcome.


	3. Darts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Kira wants is for everything to go back to normal.   
> Good luck with that...

By the time Kira's alarm wakes her the next morning, she's almost forgotten her “date” with the Supreme Leader. Jumping out of bed, showering off, and dressing quickly and she makes her way to the dining room. She isn't hungry, but forces herself to eat a piece of fruit and drink a cup of caf.

Only in this moment does it dawn on her, that she fainted in the arms of Kylo Ren and she can't recall how or when she returned to her room! The memories and the emotions leave her dumbstruck. Kira is roused from her reflections upon hearing Risto's booming voice behind her, “Ey, little one – you've left your cave!” His voice is lighthearted, but Kira can sense a tinge of worry in his mannerisms. “Good morning Tama! Yes, here I am – out and about in the light of day again!” she tries to chuckle, but it comes out sounding somewhat stilted and manic.

Risto doesn't look impressed, “Ey, Kira. You fit to fly today? What did the Supreme Leader want from you yesterday? You alright?” Once again Kira knows she won't be able to explain it to her friend, but somehow knowing he's worried makes her feel stronger. “Risto listen, thanks for your concern. Really, it means the world to me, but I'm fine. I can't give you a sitrep about my crazy day yesterday, but you don't have to be the brightest star in the galaxy to know the only place I want to be today is in the cockpit.” Reaching for her friends arm, she gives him a playful shove and sees the sparkle in his eyes return. “All right then little one, let's go play!”

* * *

Upon returning from her sortie with Risto, Kira spends the rest of her morning and early afternoon logging her flight report. Getting out of her own head for a few hours was incredibly cathartic and Kira's headache and sense of dread are as good as gone. With no further missions or duties for the afternoon, Kira heads to the training room. After quickly changing into her workout gear she finds herself in deserted training rooms, which is somewhat unusual.

Although this particular set of training rooms are reserved specifically for the Special Forces and command staff, there is almost always someone using the fitness or battle droids. Kira doesn't let the quiet stop her and steps onto one of the sleek running tracks placed in front of a large viewport. Setting herself a rigorous program, she's sweating within minutes – but enjoys the view and the physical strain.

After nearly an hour of pushing herself, she towels off and heads to the sparring gym. Usually she works on her blaster skills, but with the training area all to herself, she decides to hone her melee weapon abilities. Picking up a long, elegant looking quarterstaff Kira takes a few careful swings and then begins to practice the various forms she's learned during her weapons training sessions. She feels out of practice and manages to knock herself on the knee and in the shins with misplaced swoops. “Ouch! Holy shab that hurt!” Cursing under her breath Kira continues to go through the various forms and slowly finds herself immersed in the movements, smoothly working her way across the gym floor.

Her meditative state isn't broken until she turns to send a swift downward strike to her imaginary foe and instead finds Kylo Ren.

* * *

Physical exertion has always been Kylo Ren's go-to method when feeling anxious or upset. He's feeling all this and more when he bursts into the training rooms, sending the few unlucky crew members who happen to be there, running for safety. He's glad for the solitude and spends the rest of his morning and early afternoon sparring with the various battle droids.

It isn't until he's destroyed the last available droid that he senses **her** arrival. Making his way quietly across the sparring gym, he finds Kira on the stationary running track in the main training area. He stands for a long time watching the woman running, face aglow with a look of utter concentration and determination. He carefully allows himself to delve into her thoughts and sees that her mind is in a meditative state of focus – clear and intense.

Later as she makes her way to the sparring gym, he quietly finds a dark corner and watches her intently as she picks up the quarterstaff and begins her practice. Her first forms are sloppy, but as she lunges and swings her way across the room, Kylo feels his excitement growing. The Force seems to have a strange sense of humor; not only does Kira look exactly like Rey, but she walked into a sparring gym filled with every Melee weapon available and chose Rey's favored weapon.

As she begins to make her way in his direction, Kylo steps out from the shadows and as Kira turns, making a swift downward strike, he catches the end of her staff in his gloved hand. “Hello Kira. Impressive. Most impressive. What other hidden talents do you have?”

* * *

To say that Kira was once again dumbstruck would be an understatement. She's left completely agog. “Supreme Leader. I...well...I am proficient in many forms of combat. All part of my training, as you know, Elite Forces...I...umm...yes?” was all she manages to sputter.

 **This** explains why the training rooms had been deserted. No one would dare to stick around with Kylo Ren here. “Thanks for the heads up people!” Kira thinks to herself with a huff. She notices the playful smirk hiding in the corners of Kylo Ren's soft lips and feels the urge to giggle. What a strange couple of days she's had and they just keep getting stranger.

“Kira Aýna will you do me the honor of sparring with me? I seem to have gone and rendered all the training droids in operational.” he asks non-nonchalantly while using the force to call a black quarterstaff into his hand. Without waiting for Kira's reply, Kylo assumes a fighting stance. Raising an eyebrow he says, “Let's begin.”

Kira follows suit and soon they are fencing their way across the gym. Sensing that Kylo is taking it easy on her, Kira pushes herself more than ever before, focusing in on every swing and block. After several minutes the two find a rhythm together and everything just “clicks”. Kira's adrenaline is pumping and her thrusts and strikes keep getting faster and faster, until Kylo, taking advantage of her carelessness lands a sharp blow to her leg, sweeping it out from underneath her, causing her to land with sudden smack onto the floor.

Holding his staff dramatically over her neck he asks, “Do you yield?” Grunting Kira rolls to her side “Yes, I yield.” Without further warning Kylo Ren reaches down and helps her onto her feet, pulling her towards him. They're both somewhat out of breath and sweating profusely as Kylo stares at her evenly, his eyes boring steadily into hers.

Feeling liable to combust, Kira wants to look away but finds that she can't. She feels a flush spreading out from her cheeks and across her chest. Kylo's free hand is clasped tightly against the small of her back and Kira lets out a little cry of surprise, which is then smothered by his mouth against hers. Reaching up, she wraps her arms around his neck and returns the kiss.

It starts off softly, but soon Kylo is crushing his lips to hers, deepening it and leaving them both breathless. His full, soft lips begin trailing gentle kisses across her jawline and down the side of her bare neck and Kira feels a delicate tug in her belly, which unfurls into a steady warmth between her legs. Her hands seem to have developed a mind of their own and one wanders down to grab his ass, while the other tangles itself in his soft, black hair. After several minutes, they both come up for air and stand staring at one another without breaking their embrace. “I...ummm...I...well...” Kira babbles unintelligibly – feeling herself blush, she lowers her gaze to his chest.

“No, don't. Look at me.” he says in a soft voice, cupping her chin in his gloved hand and gazing into her eyes, “You're beautiful.”

When Kira finally speaks, her voice is heavy, “So are you Kylo Ren.” She can't believe she actually just said that to the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy and is once again blushing intensely. She releases her grasp on Ren's arms and turns to walk away. “I should be going, I need to shower off and...”, but he stops her, taking both of her hands in his own. “No. Don't go.” There is something both soft and menacing in the look he gives her, his eyes darkening, as his pupils dilate – blackness swallowing up the warm brown. Kira feels afraid, but also very excited.

She's never been one to back away from a challenge and so she decides to let go. Returning to his embrace, her hazel eyes hold his intense gaze and she is on him, her mouth attacking his in a scathing kiss.

* * *

While sparring with Kira, Kylo feels completely liberated. The self-doubt and sadness that have plagued him since the Battle of Crait – are momentarily forgotten.

This is no small feat, for he has always struggled with living in the moment. As a small boy, Ben Solo had been the sort of child who worried about things yet to come or transgressions - no matter how menial - in the past. Even when something good was happening, he would focus on the fact that this moment was fleeting and would soon end.

Which is why it was truly remarkable, that he had managed to so completely “let go”...not that this had been his first time feeling this. In the throne room with Rey he had also experienced such pure focus and complete mindfulness.

The kiss and his physical response to Kira was automatic and the fervor of his embrace was a subconscious reaction to this truth.

Then the unthinkable happened.

He was knocked out of his enthrallment, sensing a shift in the Force. He knew instantly that his Force bond with Rey had been triggered – he could sense HER presence. A new flame of excitement burned in his chest. Could Rey see Kira? If she could, what would she be thinking?

Unlike himself, she wouldn't know that there was another woman within the ranks of the First Order who was physically her duplicate. What would she feel, seemingly watching herself in Kylo Ren's embrace?

It's in this moment of reverie that he feels Kira stir and hears her mumble something, while shrinking away from him. “No, don't. Look at me.” he says, gently guiding her gaze back towards his face. After a moment of silence he's rewarded with an unguarded flood of emotion – through the Force – from Rey. He knows that she most definitely sees Kira and is most definitely confused.

“You're beautiful.” he says to Kira, while thinking of Rey. The woman in his arms replies “So are you Kylo Ren.” and then seems flustered and tries to excuse herself, but he holds her back. “No, don't go.” The woman – parsecs away in some unknown corner of the Galaxy – also seems flustered. His excitement is almost unbearable and a voice deep down inside of him – the one that he's worked so hard to silence – worries about what he might do, if the pilot were to reject him in this very moment. However, only seconds later she turns back to him and kisses him with even more passion than he could've hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again - I hope the POV swapping isn't too annoying. Thanks for reading


	4. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira and Kylo get to know one another more and we are introduced to several new characters.

It isn't everyday that you end up in the 'fresher with your boss.

Kira can feel the sensible part of her mind scratching away, trying to regain control of the situation - but it's a battle she's going to loose. Just how she arrived here is a soft, fuzzy blur in her mind. “We can't do this,” she'd muttered to Kylo Ren at some point, while still in the sparring gym. “Indeed not,” had been his response as his hands had moved over the swell of her breasts through her sweaty shirt. “We should...I should...” Kira whispered, but was cut off by Kylo's lips. “Shhh...” he'd responded as his lips touched her eyelids, nose, and neck. Then he'd swept her off her feet and carried her away.

Now - standing in the warm spray of Kylo Ren's spacious sonic Kira feels his hands washing her back – gentle, careful strokes – she's afraid to turn around and look him in the eye. Her emotions are a potent mix of fear and excitement, mixed with a pinch of shame. Finally turning around to face him, Kira looks up into his dark, intense eyes, unable to speak. “What is it? What's wrong?” Kylo asks, but then she stops his words with her lips on his.

A need, so sudden flares between Kira and Kylo as they stand locked in each other's embrace, soaking wet as their hands explore soft skin – moving together as one.

* * *

_She can smell it, her home – the sea. But she is shrouded in darkness. Her eyes are open, but all she can see is black . Crying out she crouches down, making herself small, keeping herself warm. It's cold, so cold..._

With a sudden shock Kira awakens and finds herself naked in a strange room. It takes her several moments to recall exactly where she is while her heart pounds furiously in her chest. Slowly she emerges out of her sleep induced stupor and looks over her shoulder to find that she is alone in Kylo Ren's bed. The silky, black bedspread is on the floor, which explains why she's so cold.

Bending over, Kira pulls the blanket back up and wraps herself in it. Her mind is fully awake now and a buzz with questions concerning her dream and her dream-like experience with Kylo. However, her reflection is short lived as a service droid suddenly enters and begins to clean and polish the smooth black floors.

“Ummm...hello!? Do you mind!?” Kira grumbles, but is coolly ignored. Admitting defeat she swings out of bed and begins her search for something to wear. Last night is a blur and considering her lack of knowledge about the layout of Kylo Ren's chambers, she's having a hard time finding anything resembling her own clothing.

“Kriff, kriff, kriff!” she curses under her breath. Not only is she most likely very late for her first briefing of this cycle, but also stuck – naked – in the Supreme Leader's chambers with a bitchy droid.

Kira is so completely absorbed in her task at hand, that she hardly notices when a door opens behind her. “Oh! Excuse me!” exclaims a deep, strange voice, “I didn't realize that the Supreme Leader had visitors.” In this moment Kira would like nothing more than to vanish into thin air. She doesn't dare turn around and is silently scanning her surroundings for something, ANYTHING to cover up her current state of undress.

“My eyes are covered. Listen...I didn't mean to burst in. Please forgive me.” The stranger's voice, although strangely distorted, sounds nearly as flustered as Kira feels, “I can leave and come back later.” Slowly she turns around and indeed, finds someone dressed in black holding a huge, gloved hand in front of a severe, black helmet. They've turned away and are facing the door. “No. Help me.” Kira exclaims, “I can't seem to find my clothes and I'm in a bit of a hurry.”

As it turns out, the tall, dark stranger is one of the Knights of Ren. “Here, take this until we can find your clothes.” he says while blindly handing Kira his huge, black jacket. “Thank you...” she replies quietly, slipping into the far too large coat, which reaches past her knees. “Can I look now?” he asks. “Yes, of course. I'm Officer Kira Aýna, Special Forces.” she says breathlessly and tries to scrape together whatever dignity she still has by looking him in the eye.

“Agnar Ren, Knights of Ren. I'm sorry to have intruded. I've just arrived on the Harbinger and I'm searching for the Supreme Leader.” he replies while removing his helmet in one quick movement. Behind the mask Kira finds a handsome young man with piercing blue eyes. He must be Zeltron, his skin has a pinkish hue that is unmistakable and his short hair has a dark blue tinge.

Feeling somewhat embarrassed Kira turns to continue her search for her clothing, “I'm terribly late and need to return to my barracks as soon as possible. My clothes must be here somewhere...” Feeling the telltale blush returning, she avoids eye contact with Agnar. “There is a service droid buzzing around, maybe it took my clothes.” Kira admits with a huff.

None of the drawers or closet doors in Ren's rooms will open for either of them and it's the bulky Knight who suggests a change in plans. “Why don't I order your uniform to be brought here?” he says, striding over to the communications panel near the door.

Meanwhile Kira allows her self to get a better look at Agnar. He's very tall and has incredibly broad shoulders. He's dressed in head to toe black, with a style reminiscent of his leader Kylo Ren. Turning back to Kira he steers her towards the table and they both take a seat. “Your uniform is on it's way. Once again, I apologize for intruding. I'm sure that the Supreme Leader will be furious when he finds out...” Agnar says looking down at his gloved hands.

“Oh...well, I don't know about that.” Kira reasons, “He left me here this morning with nothing to wear, so I don't think he's the one who ought to be upset.” Kira chuckles softly and is pleased to find that Agnar is laughing with her.

When they finally stop, he rubs his eyes and sits back, still grinning. “I thought for sure Kylo...I mean, the Supreme Leader would be here. We sensed his thoughts and this was what he was thinking about. Now I know why...” Before Kira can reply the door opens and a protocol droid enters carrying a black, Special Forces uniform and boots. “Finally!” she gasps, jumping up to seize her things and heads straight for the refresher, “I'll be right back!”

Dressing quickly Kira tries not to overthink the emotions currently coursing through her body. For all she knows, Agnar Ren is out there reading her mind and laughing his ass off. “Calm down!” she tells her reflection before stepping back out of the 'fresher. The Knight has put his helmet back on and is standing by the front door, waiting for her. “Shall we?” he asks, voice once again warped by his black and bronze helmet. “Yes, let's.” she simply replies.

The Knight of Ren escorts silently Kira all the way back to her barracks. Upon arriving back, Agnar stops to speak to Kira's squadron leader and then says his goodbyes, “I've spoken to your leader. You won't face any penalties for your delay. See you around, Kira.” he says, taking her hands in his, he gives them a quick squeeze and is off

Risto's voice is what finally knocks Kira out of her musings. “Ey...little one! Caraya's soul! I'm afraid to ask where you've been – dropped off by a Knight of Ren and looking like...well, you look fabulous as ever, but come on!?” He looks like he's just only returned from a mission, helmet in hand – but he also looks upset. Kira feels a deep sense of guilt and sadness, knowing that her only true friend has been worried about her. Their flight yesterday seems like a lifetime ago – so much has happened in the past 24 hours – but she knows that she owes him an explanation.

* * *

Upon waking that morning, Kylo Ren found Kira fast asleep in his arms and he'd felt a barrage of mixed emotions. In the last several years, there had been little time or opportunity for him to indulge in the pleasures of physical intimacy. Now it was as if a barrier within him had been broken and he'd been unable to stop himself, his need for her had dominated all thought.

This paired with the fact that his Force bond with Rey had flared to life several times in the course of the evening had made it all the more bittersweet.

But now, watching Kira sleep peacefully – unaware of his deceit and villainy - he felt the familiar weight of regret filling his heart. Quietly slipping out from under her and sliding from the bed, Kylo Ren left his sleeping quarters and got dressed for the day.

He could sense that Hux was already up and busy abusing the crew – today was going to be a busy day. Before leaving he quickly took another look at the sleeping woman in his bed. He was once again struck by her uncanny resemblance to Rey. “There is still so much I need to know about you.” he whispered to himself, before silently slipping out of the room.

* * *

“So...the Supreme Leader, eh?” Risto's face is indecipherable. Over lunch Kira has done her best to tell him everything she could, there are still things that she simply isn't able to verbalize – such as her mysterious connection to Rey – but she found that everything else, no matter how embarrassing, was fair game. 

It's easy to tell that Risto is more than somewhat surprised by his friend's sudden connection to their leader. Sitting quietly stroking his lower lip and seemingly in deep thought. “Well...you know as well as I do that I'm rarely lost for words, but you got me this time.” Risto leans forward with a chuckle and reaches for Kira's hands, which she been fidgeting with on the table top. 

“Kira, you know I care about you. I don't want to see you hurt or taken advantage of.” Risto's voice is uncommonly grave, “Take care of yourself, watch out. I know you can handle yourself, but...promise me you'll be cautious and don't forget who you are.” 

Kira sense s her emotions bubbling up and she  feels the tingle of tears building up in the corners of her eyes. How  can she forget who she  is , if she  doesn't even really  know  herself? But she  can't unload that burden onto her friend, so she simply  nods her head and smile s . “Thank you Risto. I won't let you down.” she sa ys , squeezing her friend ' s strong hands with her own. 

“Alright, well I best be going little one. I've still got a flight report to finish. See you on the next flight cycle?” Kira simply replies with a nod and then Risto's gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The dining room is quiet and although she should be heading back to work herself, Kira feels like she's stuck to her chair and sits for several minutes staring into space. 

She doesn't even notice right away when a strange, dark figure sits down next to her. “ Officer  A ý na,  pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is  Zarja Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again - not Beta read - so please forgive any mucky writing bits.   
> Enjoy! Comments and kudos are the best ;-)


	5. Niebieski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira meets another member of the Knights of Ren and new memories emerge.

Zarja Ren listened calmly as her leader and more importantly, best friend had explained his Force Bond with the strange Jedi scavenger Rey and then the curious appearance of her look-alike Kira Aýna.

Had she not known Kylo Ren so well, she might believe he was loosing his mind. Then again it wouldn't take much effort for her to find out the truth – that was her specialty.

As far back she can remember, Zarja or Sophea as she was once called, had seen right into the hearts and minds of those around her. Which is why Luke Skywalker had come to her home planet of Onderon to meet her when she was only seven years old. Her warm memories of the kind Jedi Master and his praise sent chills down her spine, remembering what would become of his training.

After arriving at the Jedi training temple Sophea quickly realized that her Force sensitivities were limited. Master Skywalker had been a patient and generous teacher, but the other students were less forgiving. Even if she hadn't overheard their cruel jokes and comments, she knew their minds. Luckily she hadn't been completely alone. Master Skywalker's star student and nephew, Ben Solo became her champion and hero.

He seemed drawn to a handful of rag-tag students – all with special talents, but even bigger weaknesses – he'd befriended them and protected them from the harsh rejection of the others. Together they became a tight knit band of brothers and sisters and on that fateful night when Ben was attacked in his sleep by his uncle, they fought to save him from the furious onslaught of the other students.

Everything moved quickly after that and before anyone knew what was truly happening THEY became the Knights of Ren.

Ben Solo was dead and Kylo Ren was now their leader. However, soon after his training with Snoke begun, Kylo sent his Knights away, “It's for your own protection.” he had insisted and it had only taken the newly minted Zarja Ren a moment to see that he was being brutally honest. Snoke would destroy them if he had the chance and Kylo had bargained with his new Master for their safety and autonomy.

“Travel to the Fort Anaxes asteroid and continue your training. Teach one another and learn from your individual strengths.” he had urged them, “I will join you as often as possible, but I need you to truly become my Knights.” The following years had been grueling, but effective. The once rag-tag bunch of force sensitive youths had become resilient warriors. They were sent throughout the galaxy on a mission for their leader, “Help me find Luke Skywalker and bring an end to the Jedi religion. Help me prepare the galaxy for a new age, a new beginning.”

That had been years ago. Now Snoke was gone and Kylo Ren the Supreme Leader. He had called his Knights home and needed their help.

Zarja had gone to Kylo Ren the moment she arrived on board the Harbinger. She'd only been a few star systems away with Agnar and they'd arrived before any of the others.

After spilling his guts to her about his current state of affairs, he continued on barely stopping to take a breath, “Zarja, I need you to talk to Kira Aýna and see what you can discover about her true identity.” Still reeling from Kylo's disclosure involving Snoke's death and the Jedi girl, Zarja could only nod her head and carry out her leader's command. She stood up and turned to leave him, but Kylo reached out to her through the Force, “Thank you Z.”

* * *

Kriff. For the second time in this day cycle Kira finds herself sitting with another masked Knight of Ren.

Her stunned silence isn't deliberate, she's is just too overwhelmed to reply. “Please don't be alarmed. I'm here on behalf of the Supreme Leader.” Zarja explains, “He asked me to apologize for his rude behavior this morning.”

Reaching up to release her helmet, Zarja reveals herself to the young pilot. “Kylo Ren is incredibly busy and didn't wish to disturb you this morning.” Kira takes stock of the serious looking woman under the harsh steel grey mask.

Contrary to her dark, menacing style of dress her face is soft and pleasant – with large brown eyes and full, dark lips. Suddenly smiling Kira spots Zarja Ren's two silver, sharpened canine teeth. “Well, please tell the Supreme Leader that I accept his apology. In fact, no apology was required. I was honored to have spent an evening with him.” Kira finally manages to spit out with a stiff smile.

After what seems like an eternity Zarja leans forward, “Kira Aýna, I've also been sent to discuss very sensitive matters with you. In private.” Looking around the empty dining room Kira can't help but ask, “More private than this?” Zarja lets out a small laugh, “Yes, more private than the officer's dining room. Is your room nearby?” she asks with sly grin.

* * *

Kira would be lying if she said that it wasn't a big deal taking this strange woman into her private bunk. Blast! She hadn't invited anyone into her space since entering into the higher ranks of the pilot program, which had finally granted her the luxury of a single, albeit small, private room.

However, she can't possibly disobey an order from the Supreme Leader. Luckily, the halls are quiet and they don't run into anyone Kira knows. She can only imagine what Risto would think if he spotted her with yet another Knight of Ren. The thought makes her smile and laugh a bit. The Knights of Ren had seemed like a myth to her only days ago, nothing more than a rumor.

Arriving at her room, Kira ushers Zarja into the small, tidy space, “Please make yourself comfortable.” The only seating is her single bed and a small utilitarian stool beside the door, which Zarja picks up and carries over to the bed. “Take a seat Kira. I just want to ask you a few questions, but to be completely honest I will also be...going deeper. I will be using the force to uncover what you can't remember.” Zarja states matter-of-factly.

“You shouldn't feel a thing. I won't hurt you.” she adds with another flash of her teeth. Kira's mouth feels like a desert and she can't help but take an audible gulp before nodding her head feebly. “OK Kira. Who are you? Where are you from?” Zarja begins. Kira isn't sure what to say, “Ummm...well...I'm Officer Kira Aýna of the First Order Elite special Forces. I have been a member of the First Order since I was nine years of age. I completed my training aboard the Harbinger and...”

Kira is at a loss – she feels so ashamed to admit that she has no clue what came before that. How can a person exist without knowing where they came from and who they are? How could this void in her memory have gone unnoticed for such a long time? Looking up into Zarja's big, brown eyes she sees tears glistening and falling down the Knight's cheeks. That is when she feels her own tears and realizes that she's crying. “I don't know who I am...” Kira manages to say before blacking out.

* * *

So cold...so cold and white. Kira feels strange – almost dead inside.

There's a woman beside her, she is kind and tries to warm her with a thick blanket. She must be cold too – her skin is blue - a deep, dark blue. Kira wants to ask her if she needs a blanket, but then she starts to shake again...

* * *

Kira is shaking all over. She's still in her room, lying on her bed and she can't stop shivering. “Shhh...calm down Kira, you're fine. I'm here.” Zarja tries to console the young pilot.

“What was that!? Where was I? Who was that woman?” Kira's voice is panicky and she's grabbing Zarja's arms forcefully. “I don't know Kira. I don't know.” Kira can't stop shaking, even though she feels feverish and hot. “What did you see Zarja!? Tell me! What else did you see?!” she demands, her eyes suddenly filled with fury and her entire posture becoming more aggressive.

Zarja isn't afraid. She's used to these reactions when she inadvertently provokes such strong flashbacks. “Kira, you need to calm down and rest. I promise to tell you more, but there's no way you'll hear anything out of me until I've talked with the Supreme Leader.” Standing up to leave she turns back towards the traumatized pilot. “I'll return as soon as I can. Stay in your room and rest until then. That's an order!”

Finding herself suddenly alone Kira's strength crumbles and a loud sob escapes her. She tries to keep back her tears and stuffs her fist into her mouth, but there's no fighting it now. For the first time she can remember Kira breaks down and weeps.


	6. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New details of Ayna's past come to light, but the mystery of her identity is far from being solved.

After too many meetings, tactical briefings, and a pointless inspection of the Harbinger's facilities Kylo Ren has had enough.

Standing up to leave he's confronted by a smug looking General Hux, “Had enough already Supreme Leader?” However, Kylo doesn't give Hux the opportunity to undermine his authority, turning to the various members of the First Order High Command he announces “I am honored by your service to the First Order. Our endeavors to unite the galaxy and bring order to the disorder have proven to be effective.”

Kylo gestures towards the doors, “Please join me on the Harbinger's main observation deck for dinner and let us celebrate our triumphs past, present, and future.” Glancing over in Hux's direction Kylo can see that the General is seething. Everything worked out according to plan, leaving Hux in the dark about the festivities.

“I suggest we all take leave and meet again in two standard hours. Thank you for your loyalty to your Supreme Leader and to the First Order.” Without another word Kylo turns and leaves, heading straight for the nearest turbolift. He needs to find Zarja and discuss her meeting with the pilot. Stepping out of the turbolift he finds himself in his private hangar bay and heads towards his TIE silencer.

After deciding to prolong his visit on the Harbinger, he'd ordered for his ship to be brought to him. Although he has no time to use it, he feels better having it nearby. Reaching out with the Force Kylo lets Zarja know his whereabouts and then climbs up to the cabin access hatch and jumps in. He knows he can't go anywhere now, but feels calm and safe in the cramped, quiet space. He's about to close his eyes when he senses his surroundings changing.

The Force Bond once again flares to life and he turns in his seat to find Rey sitting behind him. She must also be in a small cramped space, because she looks like she's sitting in an awkward, hunched position. They both sit and stare at one another for awhile until Rey finally breaks the silence, “Why is this happening to me? Why can't the Force let go?” The anger that has often filled her voice is gone, instead she sounds defeated and frustrated.

“Rey...” is all Kylo manages to sputter.

“Why? Why did you have to go this way Ben?” Rey whimpers. Kylo can see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. His heart is beating so hard, he's certain that Rey can hear it – she called him Ben – something she hasn't done since they were together on the Supremacy, since she left him.

“Where are you Rey? Please, tell me. I'll come to you. We can make this right!” Kylo's voice is raw and emotional, but he's trying to keep his composure.

Rey looks down at her feet and sniffs, “You tried to kill us all. On Crait. You killed Luke Skywalker.” Looking up at him again she shakes her head. “You said it yourself Ben, there's no going back. You know I can't do that...”

Kylo slides out of his seat onto the floor in front of Rey, “No! We can't go back. But we can shape our future – I want to be a part of your future Rey.” Kylo wants to reach out and touch her, but he feels afraid and uncertain – he doesn't want to scare her away or anger her.

It's Rey who ends up reaching out to push a stray piece of hair out of his face, “I can't be with you until you are ready Ben. I won't have any part of the First Order.” Her hand drifts from his face and softly lands on his gloved hand. Kylo looks at her hand on his and then up into her eyes. It's in this moment that he feels the Force Bond fading and then she's gone.

Kylo stands up and his first instinct is to destroy something, anything. But instead he takes long, deep breaths and then climbs out of his ship. Wandering over to the huge hangar doors Kylo tries to calm the hurricane of emotions he's feeling. If he only knew how to show Rey his truth, make her understand!

“Master. I came as quickly as I could.” says Zarja Ren as she approaches from behind his TIE silencer, “What's wrong?” Turning to face his Knight, Kylo doesn't let down his defenses, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself. “Nothing. You spoke to the pilot? I'm most eager to hear about what you discovered.” he says, while heading back towards the turbolift, “Let us talk in my private quarters, I don't wish to be disturbed.”

* * *

Kira feels like a dam inside of her has broken. She cries until she's out of breath and completely worn out. Finally after what seems like forever she's able to motivate herself up out of her bunk and heads for the tiny 'fresher.

Looking into the mirror Kira almost laughs. She looks terrible – eyes bloodshot and puffy, skin splotchy and red. She quickly washes her face with cold water and then stands under the sonic for far too long – letting the hot water soothe her aching muscles and emotional turmoil.

Wrapping a towel around herself she heads back into her room and sits down on her bunk. Laying back she looks up at the matte, grey duratsteel ceiling and thinks about what she knows.

“I know my name. I know that I was recruited by the First Order as a child, after showing skill and promise in initial testing.” Closing her eyes Kira realizes that she can't remember anything before taking the tests. All she can recall is being in a large facility with hundreds of other children.

The more she tries to remember the more upset she gets and feels tears building up again. In a moment of anger Kira jumps up from her bed and smashes her fist into the small mirror hanging beside the door, causing it to break into a hundred little pieces and leaving her fist a broken bloody mess, “Kriff! Kriff! KRIFF!” she bellows in pain and frustration.

Stepping out into the hallway she runs straight into Risto Tama, “What the shab have you done to your hand Kira!?” he shouts as he sees the blood dripping down her arm and onto the floor, “Did you fall in the 'fresher?”

It's in this moment Kira realizes that she's still naked save for her towel, “Oh hell, I...I...yes – I slipped and hit my hand...I need to get to the med bay!” she stammers, but she's starting to feel out of sorts and dizzy. “Kira, Kira hold on. I'll help you!” she hears Risto telling her in his comforting, kind voice – but she can't see him any longer and her ears start ringing and then – blackness.

_It's dark again, but she's not alone. She's nestled beside someone warm and familiar. She feels safe. She can hear voices - deep, adult voices talking in hushed tones. “They aren't safe here. What should we do? Where should we go?” Then she hears crying and she wants to go find out what's wrong, but she knows she ought to stay put. Shifting around Kira snuggles in closer to the warm body beside her and in the dim reflection of firelight she sees that she's not the only one awake. Two large, green eyes – identical to her own – blink back at her._

* * *

It's absolutely silent after Zarja finishes telling her Master what she knows about the mysterious pilot and her history. “It seems as though her memories were wiped – thoroughly and it's quite astonishing that I've been able to recover anything at all. Whoever did this, was...talented.”

Kylo is speechless. The Chiss – more legend than reality – a species, so unique and secluded that only one, Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Galactic Empire, had made any impact on the Galaxy.

Memories of a lonely, curious child secretly reading about the enigmatic, blue-skinned master strategist come crashing over Kylo. It sends a chill down his spine, for he knows now that it had been Snoke, who had subtly manipulated and guided him from afar.

“It was Snoke.” Zarja suddenly stutters. Kylo looks up into her big, expressive eyes, which are filled with tears. “Mitth'raw'nuruodo – Thrawn. The Chiss Ascendancy helped the First Order! That's why Kira was on Csilla!”

A sort of mental fog takes over Kylo's mind, he remains silent – in a stunned stupor – while his Knight continues to chatter on excitedly. “Snoke hid the girl on Csilla after wiping her mind completely, but why? What did he know about Kira and this Rey?”

Hearing Rey's name is like a slap in the face, grabbing his holopad Kylo jumps back into action. “There must be someway of finding out if Snoke had Chiss operatives...” he explains to Zarja while entering various codes into the screen in front of him. After a moment he smiles and then shows the results to his Knight, “Look at this – over 200 Chiss agents! Look through these files, do you recognize any of these faces?”

Zarja takes the holopad from Kylo and begins to look through the long list of Chiss names and faces. It doesn't take long for her to find the woman from Kira's memories, “Here! Chaf-alabi! Member of the House of Chaf – special operations – Csilla!” she exclaims happily, passing the pad back to her leader. Studying the information, Kylo heads over to the table and takes a seat. “You need to go to Csilla Z. I need you to find out more about Chaf-alabi and Kira. Take Agnar with you, if there's anyone able to pilot you there safely, it's him.”

Nodding her head she heads towards her leader and friend. “OK Kylo. I can't say I've ever wanted to find my way to Csilla, but who ever has?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm just writing for fun - especially in these times - stay safe out there friends!


	7. Apperances

_The sun is shining, it's a bright, sunny day. Kira is playing in front of a mirror. She's laughing at herself – doing silly faces and dances – goofing off. Reaching out to touch herself in the mirror, she's suddenly shocked when she doesn't feel the cold, smooth surface of a mirror under her fingers, but warm, soft skin. She is holding someone's hand. Someone who looks just like her – smiling widely, with two dimples and bright, green eyes. “Rey?” Kira wonders aloud and feels something inside her bloom when her reflection answers, “Kira?”_

Kira gasps awake and finds herself once again disorientated and confused. She's lying on a white bed, wearing a white tunic, in the clean bright whiteness of a medbay room. Her damaged hand is submerged in a mobile Bactatank. The bloody mess is already nearly completely healed. Carefully she wiggles her fingers and smiles at the realization that they're all fully functional.

It's the sudden sound of someone clearing their throat that causes Kira to nearly fall out of her bed. “Kira! I'm sorry!” Agnar Ren cries out, jumping out of this seat in the back corner beside her bed. Catching her, he helps her lay back carefully, “I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to startle you...again.” he says sheepishly, “I was watching you. Not in a creepy way...I mean, you know...I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

Kira feels a little on edge, but isn't mad at the blushing Knight. “Thanks Agnar. How long have I been out?” she asks, her voice cracking slightly. Agnar really must be able to read her mind, because he hands her a glass of water, “You were out when I got here. Your friend was with you, but he didn't seem overly chatty...so he left before I could ask him.”

A driod enters the room with a load whir, causing the two to sit in silence and watch one another. After checking Kira's bacta tank it rolls away, leaving Kira and Agnar alone again.

What follows is an long, awkward silence until Kira finally breaks the ice, “I was never lost or alone until now. I knew my place within the First Order, within the Galaxy. I was good – a good pilot, a good soldier. Now...” Looking down at her hand Kira falls silent.

“I've always felt a bit lost.” Agnar chimes in, “Until the Supreme Leader found me and gave me a purpose. But even then...I think it's a good sign to feel a little lost – it's reality.”

Kira's mind is a buzz with emotions, thoughts, worries, and ideas – but she isn't sure what to say. “Agnar, what is it that you do? Zarja told me that she can see things deep within others – you can read minds too, right?”

Agnar nearly doubles over, letting out a sudden loud laugh, “Read minds? No!” he says wiping tears out of his bright blue eyes. “The only skill I really have is flying. I'm a damn good pilot, but I have another...talent if you want to call it that.”

Getting up out of his chair Agnar walks towards the foot of Kira's bed and fumbles nervously with the thin white blanket covering her feet. “I can absorb the force sensitivities of those around me. Whenever I'm around Zarja, I can see into the minds of others. If I'm with Gamal Ren I can make you see something that isn't truly there. But my powers are limited and depend a lot on how focused I am and how I'm feeling.”

Carefully the huge Knight takes a seat at the end of the bed and turns back to Kira, “When I was little, I had a knack at showing off the cool things I could do – I didn't really think about what it was or why I could do something one day and the next day not at all. Luke Skywalker took me and wanted to train me – but...”

Before either has a chance to continue the door slides open and Zarja Ren enters, followed by the Supreme Leader himself.

“Kira! You're OK – what did you do to your hand?!” Zarja asks with a look of concern. It only takes a moment and she knows exactly what happened. A look of sadness and pity flashes over Zarja's otherwise unreadable face. Leaning down close to Kira's face she whispers, “I'm so sorry Kira. You have to stay strong. We're going to figure this all out.”

Agnar Ren is standing stiffly at the end of the bed and Kylo Ren simply remains awkwardly near the doorway, staring towards Kira. It's Zarja who finally pipes in, “Agnar you're leaving with me right now on a special mission.”

Then turning back to Kira, “You were once taken care of by a Chiss operative named Chaf-alabi and were kept on Csilla. I'm am going to go see if I can find out more. Your mind, your memories were obviously wiped by a very powerful Force user. I also saw you with what I assume was your true family...hopefully we will be able to figure out exactly where you're from.”

Looking over towards Kylo Ren for some sort of signal, Zarja continues, “You will remain here with the Supreme Leader. He wants to help you uncover as much as he can until I return. We're going to solve this mystery.” Reaching across the bed Zarja takes Kira's good hand in her own and squeezes, “We're going to find out who you really are.”

* * *

Life hasn't always been fair to Gamal Ren, but damn if he does't enjoy himself despite it all anyhow. Upon arriving on the Harbinger he met with Kylo Ren and been assigned to party duty. “I need you to attend the gala being held for the First Order High Command. You need to attend it for me – as me.”

Kriff, why not. It had been a bloody long time since Gamal had any fun using his talents. Never anything really challenging. But fool an entire room of brainless First Order lackeys that he was Kylo Ren – right on!

There was nothing about Gamal Ren's regular appearance that would lead one to believe he could pose as the tall, dark, and handsome Supreme Leader of the Galaxy. But there was more than met the eye to this squid head! Luke Skywalker had discovered his talents early on, at only the age of 3 years old. Liittle Palto, as he was called then, could make everyone around him see things that weren't really there. He could change his apperance, the apperance of others and things around him – it was a hell of a party trick!

Standing amongst the who's who of the First Order, enjoying little tasty treats, and trying to be as grumpy and unapproachable as possible, wasn't such a bad job.

Gamal almost starts to enjoy himself, until he spots General Hux approaching. “Can I have a word Supreme Leader?” The sniveling, ginger brat ushers Gamal towards the panoramic viewport, “What kind of game are you playing at Ren?” he seethes, “I don't know why you are wasting our time here and what kind of power plays you are trying to make, but I am the General of the First Order's military operations and will not stand for you scheming behind my back!”

The poor little guy is seething. Gamal has to consider his next words carefully, his first instinct is to laugh, but Kylo Ren does NOT laugh, like ever...rolling his eyes Gamal replies, “Hux. You are the General of my military operations – I am the Supreme Leader. Don't forget that.”

Hux's eyes seem close to popping out of his head and his pale face is taking on a distinct red tone. “Seriously dude. You need to chill.” Gamal blurts out, realizing immediately that that was a mistake.

Hux's eyes are now slits as he stares down the flustered Knight of Ren – who still looks to those around him like the Supreme Leader, but...”Who are you? You're not Kylo Ren!” Hux is smiling now, “I've watched you enjoy yourself far too much here...who are you?!” His voice is getting louder and Gamal can tell things are heading south fast, so when Hux turns to face the others, opening his mouth as if he is about to announce something – Gamal panics, “Armitage Hux!” he calls out, causing the General to look his way again.

In that moment Gamal tries something he's never attempted before. He makes Hux see him as someone other than Kylo Ren – he sees his father – Brendol Hux, long dead, but still just as frightening. “Remember yourself boy. You are a servant to the First Order!” All of the colour fades from General Hux's face and Gamal isn't sure, but he can almost swear that he looks like he's about to wet himself. His mouth is moving, but no sound escapes it. Leaving Hux to himself Gamal strides across the room, heading to the nearest turbolift. In all truth the real Kylo Ren would've been long gone by now or at least that's what Gamal tells himself as he silently rides towards the Supreme Leaders quarters.

* * *

Once Agnar and Zarja leave on their mission Kira finds herself alone with a very awkward and silent Kylo Ren. He doesn't move far from his spot near the door and time stretches on with only the occasional beep from Kira's Bacta tank.

Finally he clears his throat and approaches the bed, “Kira. I...you...I...” He looks flustered and sad. Kira feels her heart sort of ache and she feels the need to comfort him, but isn't sure why? She's the one with no history and he's to blame for her even realizing this truth! The more she thinks about it, the more angry she becomes and a monitor nearby lets off a shrill sort of beep.

Seconds later a med droid rushes into the room and begins checking Kira's vital signs, takes a reading from her Bacta tank. Whatever if finds out seems to be positive because the droid carefully removes her hand from the tank and whirls away with it. “Are you OK? How does your hand feel?” Kylo manages to ask. “Ummm...normal. Good.” Kira replies after testing all of her fingers and inspecting it for signs of damage. “I punched my mirror. I was feeling so frightened, angry, and alone.” she queitly admits, not daring to look in his direction.

They're both silent for a minute after that until Kylo admits, “I know that feeling.” Finally meeting eachother's gaze, Kira feels her anger melt away as Kylo approaches her bedside. Reaching out he grazes her face with his gloved hand and tilts her face towards his. “I want to help you Kira. I want to find out what happened to you.” Carefully he helps her stand up and then she leans into his arms, practically snuggling up into his broad, muscular chest. She doesn't want to cry anymore, so she simply channels her emotions into holding him. “Will you come with me? We can discuss everything we know and perhaps find out more?” Kylo mumbles into the top of Kira's head. She makes him wait a moment before answering, “Yes. Let's do this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading - please forgive my mistakes.   
> Stay healthy and safe friends!


	8. Shadowbox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's three loyal KoR are on Csilla and meet the Chiss operative Chaf-alabi.
> 
> Meanwhile Kira waits impatiently to figure out who she is and why she was taken from her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV jumps around a bit, I hope it works.  
> This update is short, but I've been sitting on it for awhile and hopefully will be able to post more sooner than later!

The sun has just set behind the mountains and Chaf-alabi is enjoying a cup of warm of Chi'ffa when a servant quietly enters her sitting room, informing her of unexpected visitors. “Bring me my cloak.” Chaf-alabi snaps at the young woman, “ _Ktah_! Who dares bother me at this time?”

The girl, barely a member of her household for more than a few months shakes her head, “I'm so sorry _Chi'irci_ , they are members of the Defense Fleet - _Crahsystor_ \- I was certain that you wouldn't want to anger them.”

This comes as a surprise to Chaf-alabi, she only now notices that the girl is shaking, perhaps she should feel frightened as well? “Very well, my cloak will not be sufficient for greeting such important guests.” Heading towards her dressing room, she looks for something more respectable to put on. “Serve the guests something to drink. I will be down immediately.”

It's been a very long time since she's received any important visitors – since retiring Chaf-alabi has enjoyed a quiet life of seclusion. Looking into the mirror at herself, now donning a long, embroidered gown of gold, Chaf-alabi smiles, “ _Bun'zan'ah che'eo vamci_ – welcome to my home...”

* * *

After his near disaster at the big party Gamal Ren is heading to his master's chambers when he hears familiar voices deep in discussion. “Csilla!? Seriously Zarja? How the hell are we going to find our way there?”

Gamal is intrigued and makes himself go unnoticed by his two friends, quietly blending himself into his surroundings. Only moments later the two Knights stride past him on their way to Agnar's ship. “Kylo found a navigational chart, which maps the route to Csilla. What we need to figure out is how we're going to find this Chaf-alabi once we've arrived.”

Although Gamal loves to screw with his friends on a regular basis, he decides now is the moment to make his presence known, “*cough* Hello friends!” he chirps in, sending both Zarja and Agnar into attack mode. “Kriff Gamal! Will you stop sneaking up on us, seriously! Next time I might blast your head off you squid brain!” Agnar grunts. Zarja just bares her sharpened teeth and growls.

“Sorry dudes, I was just curious and well, I think I can help you out!” Gamal shrugs, “I couldn't help but overhearing you taking about Csilla and the Chiss and well...”

“Well forget it Gamal!” Zarja snaps, “Kylo is sending the two of us and I'm sure he has different plans for you, so bugger off OK?” Turning on her heal and dragging Agnar behind her, Zarja seems pretty certain that her word is final. But Gamal isn't one to give up easily. “Oh come on Zarja!!! I have an idea and everything! Seriously this Quarren is a Chiss expert and incredibly charming to boot!” he adds with a wink.

“OK, let's head to the ship and you can tell me your plan, but that doesn't mean you are coming!” Zarja huffs. Gamal smiles and strokes one of his tenticles happily, “Yippee! BFF Adventure time!”

* * *

Chaf-alabi's home is typically modest, built to withstand the bitter cold and aggressive winds, but somewhat grander than average. She lives alone with no family and only a handful of staff. Her main hall is sleek and functional – but during daylight hours offers a breathtaking view of the mountain landscape surrounding the valley she calls home.

It's been years since she has been called on officially. The thought that she might once again be able to play an important role for her people sends a chill of excitement down her spine.

However, her dreams are soon crushed when she sees that the _Crahsystor_ has only sent 3 members to her home. This is strange – but then again the timing and spontaneity of their call is odd enough to begin with.

“ _Vun'ur hirci_ welcome to my home. How may I be of service to my people?” Chaf-alabi asks dramatically while making her way down the stairs leading into her main hall.

The tallest, most impressive looking man quickly glances to his petite, female companion, “ _Bin'vi Chaf-alabi_.” she replies, stepping forward and smiling, “ _Reb tin'ohn._ ” she gestures towards the small sitting area, clearly requesting that Chaf-alabi take a seat. She is feeling increasingly confused – why have these unexpected guests disturbed her after sunset? Why are they asking her to take a seat in her own home? Before she has the chance to voice her irritation, the woman smiles – two sharp, silver canine teeth flash unusually, “Chaf-alabi I simply have a few questions for you. Just relax, this won't hurt a bit...”

* * *

_The sun is shining and Kira is running through tall grass towards her, “Rey! Slow down silly!” They're both laughing hysterically and everything is how it should be. Kira feels the soft summer breeze and the sun on her skin. Suddenly the ground beneath their feet disappears and they're both falling through darkness. “Rey! Help! Kira! Help!” Darkness._

* * *

Sitting up Kira finds herself in a familiar bed – Kylo Ren's bed to be exact. However, the tall, dark, handsome Supreme Leader is nowhere to be seen. Standing up Kira begins to pace in front of the viewport – another dream, more confusion, no answers. She's been staying with Kylo now for two full day cycles. Meditating, talking...and more – but she doesn't feel like they've made any breakthroughs.

It's the sound of a door opening and voices just beyond Kylo's bedroom that disrupt Kira's pity fest, so she heads out to see what going on.

Kylo Ren is talking to another trio of his intimidating looking Knights of Ren, but stops as soon as he notices her approaching. “Kira. This is Jav, Haqym, and Vito Ren.” he says pointing to each in turn, “And this is Kira Aýna.” The three Knights of Ren simply nod their heads and grunt some sort of greeting while Kira fidgets with her hands, “Nice to meet you. Supreme Leader, can I have a word please?”

Kylo simply nods his head and taking her hand, leads her back towards his bedroom. “What is it Kira? Do you remember something? Are you alright?” he asks and the moment the door closes behind them, he takes her into his arms and holds her close. Leaning her face into his chest, she shakes her head, “No, not really – another dream. But I'm starting to feel frustrated again. I don't feel like we're getting anywhere and I miss...I miss my life.” She hopes that she doesn't sound as pathetic and whiny as she thinks she does, but has no one else to complain to – she's basically been locked away with Kylo for days.

“I'm sorry Kira.” he whispers into her hair, “Let me take care of my Knights – I have to send them on a special mission and then...I would like to surprise you with a little something, OK?” Taking her chin in his gloved hand, he tilts her head up and looks deeply into her eyes. “OK Kylo.” she smiles. Before turning to leave he softly kisses her lips, her cheek, and her ear.

Alone once again, she turns back towards Kylo's bed and scoops up the soft, black blanket. Wrapping it around her shoulders she takes a seat on the floor in front of the viewport and leans her forehead onto the cold, clear glass - watching as life goes on without her, just beyond her grasp. Closing her eyes she fights the urge to cry. Images and impressions from her dream flood through her and she finds herself thinking about Rey.

"Rey..." she whispers to herself. Her sister. At least that is what Kylo is assuming - her twin sister. Separated at the age of 8 or 9 years old - taken from her family. Why? Some many unanswered mysteries, but the knowledge that Rey - her sister - is out there shines a light into the darkness Kira feels surrounded by. "Rey, it's me Kira. I don't know how or when, but I'm coming. I will find you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!  
> Please forgive my mistakes. 
> 
> Feel free to comment, leave kudos or both ;-)  
> Come visit me on Tumblr: luxberlin


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